Saturday, 15 June 2013

How it feels to be uglier

The title of this post is really not interesting yeah.
I just suddenly wanted to update my blog after a long long time. Why i don't blog for a long time already is because i don't have much stories to share as now i don't go around that much as before and i also don't hang out around like before. All the place i go everytime is only my grandparent's house, market, and parent-in-law's house. Sometimes go to the mall or supermarket only. Even sometimes i feel sorry for my lovely bags or shoes which i want to wear but got no chance to wear it. But i feel even more sorry for my lovely clothes which used to fit me beautifully but now cannot fit at all anymore! To make it sound even sadder, the saddest thing of all is i miss my beautiful skin and hair! T______T

I haven't write in this blog because i am not that happy with my current body ( of course i am still not that happy with it until now, who is happy with feeling uglier ? ), but it is a reality which i cannot run away from - that i am already pregnant. And now it is 27 weeks already! Another trimester and i am really an ajumma ajumma ( but i refused to be a total ajumma, i am still young and i prefer to be like a sister to my child later HUAHUAHHAHA... i wanna laugh at myself as i typed previous sentence. But indeed i don't wanna be that old yet! I believe i look younger than my real age LOLLL )

I even don't have much picture to accompany this post because i just don't love to take picture of my uglier state. LOL.

First trimester, i was still quite pretty, nothing much has changed except i vomit so many times in a day, i cannot cook ( the smell of cooking makes me vomit and the thing i scared to see the most at that time is salmon, chicken, and brocolli. Raw chicken is the scariest, when i saw it in the freezer, i ran to bathroom directly to vomit ). Because i vomit so many times and my medium/long hair doesn't help me at all with my vomit activity, i cut my hair short. I still look quite good at that time because my skin and my body has not changed much.

Taken on early April with my short hair.
Body still not changed that much, although skin already getting worse.

Second trimester, even my auntie said to me in hokkien "lu e bin cin cin be khua liau" (your face really cannot be seen anymore) coz my skin has changed A LOT. My beautiful skin - which i love a lot, suddenly got so many acne. I cannot bother to put any skin care anymore. (though now i started to use my skin care again already coz i feel my skin is getting better now). I simply to scared to put anything on my skin coz i am afraid that it will make my skin worse. So, i didn't do make up, didn't apply skin care. Uglier for sure. And everyone knows that i am having a baby boy even though i don't tell them because of my skin which is uglier (old wives' tales - uglier means having baby boy) and the shape of my stomach which is really big and goes to the front like carrying a basketball. And my hair which is getting longer makes me looks so ugly that i decided to cut it again (even shorter) at one of my favourite salon. But really, nothing much i can do to make myself looks good. So i still feel ugly although better than before.

And then boom. Being more far from what i love from myself.
But i used some make up in this pic so looks not that bad.

So here i am, going to enter the third trimester soon!
Though, feeling the baby moving inside the stomach does feel quite good and can make you miss it, but it is really not a synchronize feeling with what i feel about myself. It simply does not have a mutually exclusive event between those two.

I miss everything! My medium length with a bit (permed) wavy hair, my skin, my body, my clothes (esp the skirt! i love skirt a lot a lot). I hope i can go back as before ASAP! Lol. Like this:

With my permed hair, good skin (of course make up a bit) and circle lens! I look like a doll! HAHAHA
I look the prettiest at that time i think. Circle lens does really enhance your look A LOT. But it is not that comfortable so i stopped using it (though one day i might want to use it again LOLLL)
or this. I really like my condition at this time also. My skin is so good (minimum make up).
or this. My most favourite pic of my wedding day. hahahaha....
With the dress i really love, simple and tulle ball gown, lovely flowers, perfect! hehehe


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Hi can u add my kakao talk... this is my id 2324christin..
    Aku ada pertanyaan seputar korea.. hehe thanks ya