Sunday, 29 April 2012


I thought i have discard or no longer have envious feeling towards other people, WRONG.

When i was younger, i had a lot of envious because there were a lot of comparison happened. For somebody like me who dislike rivalry, rivalry don't do any good to me at all (while for other people, it might boost somebody's spirit more and achieve higher).

Comparison had caused me became envious. Envy of other's ability to score high at study, pretty, adore by so many people, etc.

But then i had an experience which caused me to stop being so envious.
When i was a junior high school student - the 2nd year. I don't know what makes me to be so want to compete at that time. I really wanted to get a good score at school. Okay that sounds good. But, what i really wanted at that time is i wanted to score higher than a friend of mine. A rivalry. I did all the homework and i studied (and i felt that i studied harder than my friend). I even somehow kinda avoiding that friend at that time, i didn't want her to know that i did homework or studied until the exam begin (i arrived at school already, but i studied somewhere first before i went to class).

Then.. the day before the report card is given, we can see our score already from the school's website. My score is lower than my friend! I cried a lot at that night and cannot accept the reality. The next day i met that friend and she treats me casually like usual, like nothing has happened! I realized that it was me who made myself hurt. Nobody asked me to feel must score higher than that friend, nobody asked me to feel hurt if i "lose", and why should i feel that i must "win", right? It was me myself! All of the problems came from myself. Rivalry and envious.

Since that time, i knew that rivalry don't do anything good to me. I avoided rivalry since that time and become not so envious anymore.

And more, after i visited other countries - especially after the first time i visited Singapore , i realized even more that everyone is just so beautiful in their own ways. Everyone is just different, everyone has person/people who love/adore them.

And i thought i no longer have envious feeling coz i rarely felt envious anymore.
Of course sometimes i say something like "it must be so fun to be her because she can study abroad and gain so many knowledge there." But it doesn't hurt my heart, it's just a saying so i didn't categorized it as "envious".

But these days, the truth is... i still have that envious feeling.
Towards a person (let's say A) who i don't know that much actually... I met/saw A in real person like maybe less than 50 or even 20 times until today.

Okay, before this, i got envious with other person (let's say B) as well. Same problem.
But i quite get over it already.

But with this A, this envious feeling quite hurting me. Why it can happened?
The answer is, because somehow i got compared to A before, years ago. Although maybe people are actually not comparing us, but i felt compared to. We have some stuff which is kinda alike.

The problem is actually quite simple.. it's about a job. Something which i wanted to do (and actually still want).

Comparison /+ Rivalry = Envious = don't do anything good to me

Actually, there is another factor as well which caused me to become so envious - I haven't know what is my passion until today.

"Not enjoying what i do" is the other factor.

So the solution is:
accept the reality (now almost accepted it, maybe 2 weeks later will accepted it 100%) ->
get rid of the envious feeling ->
must know what is my passion (this one, i don't know where to start in order to know it. Sad.)

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

In my opinion, he is the most handsome man in the world

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Takeshi Kaneshiro

I heard of his name when i was in junior high school, when some of my friends were/are very in love with Japanese music (esp. J Rock) and they watched "Kamisama, Mou Sukoshi Dake". At that time, i didn't watch it so i didn't know about him though i heard friends said that he is very handsome.

I started to recognise him when i watched Red Cliff.- which is one of my favourite movies. Because i don't go to cinema often, i only watched him in Red Cliff I, Red Cliff II, and Wu Xia ( i always love this kind of movie :D ). Yeah, he is so handsome, charming, and amazed me when i am watching the movie - especially in Red Cliff, he played as Zhu Ge Liang ... how can i not love him?? <3 haha.. But i didn't care more about him soon after i watched the movie.

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I don't know since when i really really really like / love Takeshi Kaneshiro.
His name suddenly stroked my mind when i was in Korea a few months ago. I browsed about him, his pictures, and then i watched Kamisama, Mou Sukoshi Dake.

I think it was when after i watched X Japan concert , my interest in Sugizo , and then i have a Japanese friend , my higher interest about Japan and its culture than ever before , and everything is just connected to each other! LOL.

3 years ago, this is what i wrote about good looking or attractive men according to me :

- sharp nose
- thick eyebrows
- white or look fresh
- charming smile
- tall

and i wrote that i like Asian guy, i gave an example who is good looking according to me (have those points above) - and he's Gong Yoo. *Gong Yoo is attractive and when he came back after military service, he is even more attractive LOL!
and i also wrote Orlando Bloom, David Beckham, and Wentworth Miller. :D

Those points i wrote 3 years ago, only 1 thing is different from my thinking now which is "white".
I don't know since when as well, i think men with tanned skin are super super good looking as well :P
I think i started to realise that Asian (particularly East Asian) don't have to be white to become good looking (men) when i saw some good looking tanned Japanese men at beach in Bali. LOL!
And last one is when i was studying in Korea, my Korean classmate ( a Brazil 교포 ) who lives in Brazil, his skin is tanned. With his East Asian face features and his tanned skin, he captured my eyes from the first day he entered the class. I think he is cool. LOL! *김재회 or 재휘 (don't know how to spell your name correctly) if you happened to read this (who knows), i wrote about this on your card which teacher gave to us*  Hey, i do like to praise people, nothing is wrong with praising as long as it is reality and not just lip service.

So, back to Takeshi Kaneshiro :D

He has:

- sharp nose

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- thick eyebrows

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- white or look fresh or tanned (don't care about this anymore LOL!) even growing facial hair i also love :P

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- charming smile
you want smile only? aww charming.. <3 have dimple! lovestruck! eyes also become a line, what a lovable eyes! *i love people with small eyes or eyes become small/line when they're smiling :D

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show teeth one? also very charming! <3 <3 <3

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- tall
At internet, people said that he is around 175cm - 178cm. So yeah he is tall.

For me, he is unique, he is like.. versatile.. 
And he has strong face features. Especially his eyes and eyebrows area, he is simply... unforgettable.
Gong Yoo, Orlando Bloom, David Beckham, Wentworth Miller, Lee Min Ho, etc are handsome as well but... they don't get that "the most handsome man in the world" position in my heart. LOL. But, Takeshi Kaneshiro got it. hahahha... <3

eh, to think of it.. i think another point to be a good looking man is to keep the good shape of one's body. No need to have six pack or nice muscle lah.. just don't be too fat and don't be too skinny (aw.. 오빠 기억이 났다. 오빠가 G2000의 옷을 입으면 참 멋있다.)

More pictures of him to drool (\* v */)

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Btw, i think men are so fortunate. Because men still can be good looking even though they are 40, 50, 60, 70, or even 80. Some men look even more handsome when they are older.

Last pic of Takeshi Kaneshiro at this post !

So, if people asked me, "what kind of man do you think attractive/ do you like to see ?"
I will answer, "Takeshi Kaneshiro." <3

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extra stories unrelated to Takeshi Kaneshiro (except it is about Japanese):

* Yesterday i saw a person near office. At a glance, i can say that he is Japanese (Now i am quite good at spotting Chinese, Japanese, or Korean. haha.. Not very good but at least much better than before i went to Korea hehe). I almost stopped and asked him "Nihonjin desuka?" but i didn't. And today i passed that place again, i saw a person (i think it's another person because hair is shorter) but i also can say that he is Japanese. Surprisingly, i bowed a bit at him (only head moved) and i asked him, "Nihonjin desuka?" And he answered me loudly, "Hai" and bowed to me (an awesome bow, using waist movement). And dang! I cannot speak Japanese, man! LOL! So i spoke to him using English and at the end i said, "Hajime mashite".... LOL! =.=" Hopefully tomorrow can meet him again together with oppa. I wanna hear them speak in Japanese! hehehe.. i haven't heard oppa speak in Japanese lah, i wanna hear! and later must let me learn Japanese as well. :P

* I love Sugizo! :D

* Oh, i also have a thing for men with lower arms showing (what is it called?) vein? ah don't know. One of my friends also really love to see it. She told me before when we were at junior high school time, but at that time i didn't really understand. But... now i understand and i also love! Like this one .. See Sugizo's lower arm at 2:50 <3

* Okay, maybe i sounded like i love Japanese. And yeah, i am ! Basically i love and willing to learn about East Asia culture. Maybe i know J-Rock first before i know K-Pop, maybe i experience Japanese trend in Indonesia first (hairstyle, hair rebonding, sushi, etc.) before i experience Korean trend in Indonesia. But i didn't get many information about Japanese. After i went to Korea and i have a Japanese friend, i saw and learn a lot from her about Japanese culture. Therefore my interest in Japanese culture rose up a lot.
Why not develop my interest in Chinese? er.... LOL!! First of all, i used to really really really hate mandarin before (actually i am still kinda not loving it huahahaha). And, China is too large.. So many different culture itself in China. So it is kinda .. biased? Meanwhile, Korea and Japan is still very homogeneous and traditional in its own way so i just find it more interesting ^^

That's all for today!

Thursday, 12 April 2012

i love German Shepherd Dog

This is a post which i want to write like since 1-2 weeks ago.

I can't believe i love German Shepherd Dog (or people here called GSD as "herder").

My family is not animal lover - so when i fed pigeon before at the roof of house in my hometown or when i had hamster some years ago, my family especially grandmother kept on yelling me. She complained about the smell, etc. So, yeah i am also not an animal lover. Until today i am still not (honestly) :D

But i do love German Shepherd Dog. LOL! But my love has limit. Such as, i cannot kiss GSD like what other people do to their pets, i always want to wash my hands after i touched GSD, etc. But i do love GSD, okay?! :P I use GSD word specifically because i am not an animal lover, i can only love GSD the most compare to others. mwahahahha.....

Okay... so... some weeks ago.. somebody gave Oppa a GSD. I didn't know what is GSD at that time. I just read the thank you note written by Oppa to that person. He wrote "Shepherd". I was thinking that maybe it is like holy sentence or proverb! Hahaha. i felt "Thank you for giving us Shepherd" is something like "Thank you for showing us the right way" or something like that! LOL!

And then later, he said to me that he got GSD which is his dream dog. I was not familiar with that term so he said to me that GSD is herder (i still don't know why GSD is called "herder" here).

OMG! I was like... what??!! Herder??!! The one which is so aggressive, scary, get angry easily, etc.?? I don't even really can be in love with the Pom he has and now there is another one? And it's big, scary, all black, and looks not nice one?
(I think i thought that GSD, Doberman, and Rottweiler is somehow the same typical one - People always have this image in mind that GSD, Doberman, Rottweiler are dogs which are so scary. ) Hahahhaa.
And i have the least love for animals with all black color - especially rat (for sure) except horse (black horse is so cool).

I thought that if one day i have a-not-small-dog, i will only want to have either Golden or Husky (don't have knowledge about dogs, so i don't know about other type of dogs! LOL!)

Golden - Picture Source
Husky - Picture Source

But why... why GSD ??? Why scary GSD ?

GSD - Picture Source
But that was the time when i didn't know GSD at all.

The GSD is 8 months already, it is big. It is a little bit scary at the first time. It is not the full black one. LOL! And actually, it looks nice ! Wahahhaa...

His poop and pee is really annoying... But if we bring him out on time, he do his business outside so it is not that annoying anymore.

2 weeks ago, i spend a whole day to gain some knowledge about GSD. oh i fell in love with GSD.
Unexpected by me, GSD is a dog who actually can be a very good friend, protector, hard worker, etc. <3
I saw some videos on youtube and i saw that GSD can get along well with babies!

I can't believe that i as a person who is not an animal lover can somehow have a love for GSD.
The more i see GSD, the more i think GSD is charming and adorable. What? I still can't believe i typed that.
Just now i just browse pictures of GSD and i do think GSD is adorable. hahahha!

My burden is i don't know whether can train GSD. He is already 8 months, he is big and heavy. If he pull me, i got pulled easily. GSD, please be kind to us ..... :P

Today, our GSD just did something which makes me like aw.... until now..
So, today we went out for a walk with the Pom. And we met another dog.... That dog wanted to get near to the Pom. The Pom was frightened and jumped away. Our GSD saw that and barked loudly at that dog angrily. I was confused because our GSD rarely get angry with other creatures (human, dogs, etc). Then... we think that our GSD is just being protective to the Pom.... awww...... <3

And yesterday... GSD was playing with a chewing bone which before was Pom's chewing bone (but Pom didn't play with it at all for months). Then GSD played with it, Pom saw it and Pom took back the bone. When GSD saw Pom was playing with the bone which is already become his, GSD just sat down in front of Pom quietly seeing Pom playing with that bone! I was so surprised. I was a little bit scared + wondering if GSD can be angry because his bone was taken by the Pom.

Love GSD even more!! Cannot wait to see him tomorrow!

Sunday, 1 April 2012


Adoration is something i do quite often towards some special people who happened to moved my heart.
I adore a lot of people, a lot a lot... From the people whom i never met before, from the people i met, etc.
I can start to adore a person from the first time i saw / met the person or by slower pace where the several happenings can compiled into an accumulative adoration feeling.

I adore people from so many ways.
I adore some people for their charming smile, some for their way of thinking, some for their attitude, some for their beautiful way of writing, and more.
I can adore someone from a side only but not from the other side. For example, i adore a girl only because of her smile. I don't know the person therefore i cannot adore other sides of her.
But i also can adore someone from many sides and this kind of adoration is somehow quite blind :D
Although the feeling of adoration is somehow a little bit like "love", but it's not that kind of love. Don't know how to explain it, but just..... adoration. That is the only word for it, i think .. Adoration. What a beautiful word with a very nice to listen pronunciation.

Some people don't like me who adore people much. They said, those people i adore are just human, why should adore them much?
I also don't know why, but for myself, adoration can encourage me and makes me happy.
Even happier when people knew that they are being adored by but still so down to earth and humble. From a way, they got positive feeling towards themselves and fortunately they are still stepping on the ground.

I like to praise people for something they have or done which i really like. I like to praise people so that people know that somebody is liking it so it cause their mood become much better and be happy. Seeing people i adore happy makes me happy as well. But, try not to praise me back (especially for something which is not that special or i think it's not that true). I praise not to get a praise back. There was a time when i met a friend. I was praising her about something and she suddenly praise me back at that time too and for something which is not special at all. I was like... er........???!

And last, i am loving this song! by Goto Maki.. a girl from Morning Musume.
I love seeing her at the One for All and All for One music video. And from all of this time, i only love seeing her there but i never search about her until today.

Goto Maki - Ashiato <3