Sunday, 26 February 2012

What is your reason to have child(ren) ?

Some usual reasons which i heard a lot :

1. Have child(ren) so that child(ren) can take care of you when you're old later.
2. Your child(ren) later will earn money and provide for you instead.
3. When you are sick later, your child(ren) can pay for you and take care of you.
4. etc.

Somehow, i kinda dislike those reasons.

I agree that:
It's good to teach child(ren) that they should take care/loving/provide/[insert other positive attitude] for their parents.

But i don't agree that:
If from the very beginning, even before we have child(ren), we have that thinking that child(ren) owe us!
For example, we think that we will/have put a lot of strength, energy, mind, money, etc to raise up our child(ren) therefore we think that our children owe us. Then we think that our child(ren) should repay us by taking care of us when we're old later, etc.

From all of this time, usually i heard the reason why people want to have child(ren) is to take care of them later. Then, it striked my mind when.....

Some months ago, my friend told me that his mom asked him to not to think too much about her and no need to think of repaying her because she already have so much happiness by raising him from he was a baby.

The moment i heard that, i was striked and i thought about that a whole night. Usually, i only heard about parents' efforts to raise up child(ren) therefore we should repay them, etc. But this one, my friend's mom doesn't make my friend feeling like owing her!

Then.. some days ago.. i was reading and i tried to browse about Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother book by Amy Chua then i came across this article Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior (however, Amy Chua using the term "Chinese Mother" loosely) where i read :

Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.

I bold the sentences which i want to talk about.
And the next paragrah:

By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent.

Then i think.. (my thinking is not about whether i agree of Tiger Mother parenting style or not)

- It is true that it is the parents who made the child(ren), therefore it is true that child(ren) don't choose to be born

- Mostly, the reason people have child(ren) is for themselves! Whether it's for to take care of them when they're old later, to have a complete family feeling, to have happiness by raising up child(ren), or anything. So, actually at the first place, the child(ren) don't owe anything to the parents. Instead, parents make/made child(ren) to fulfill their need/desire/feeling/etc.!

So, i think it is kinda unfair if the reason to have child(ren) is so that the parents can get "repayment" from the child(ren).

For example, i want to have a child and my reason to have a child is so that my child will take care of me when i am old later. I think it's so unfair to think like that..
Of course it would be nice if our child(ren) later are willing to take care of us when we're old, but it's not a must. If our child(ren) are willing to take care of us then oh thank the child(ren) very much..... But if our child(ren) aren't, then it should be okay (in my opinion)..

PS. Of course i also want to take care of parents lah... Even though they don't make me feel like i am owing them, i already feel that i am owing them :D
I just think that if the reason to have child(ren) is to get "repayment" from child(ren), it is kinda unfair.

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